By curtisrx | Published:
January 31, 2010
In Poland, a 76-year-old man who had show all the characteristics of death was found alive inside his coffin after a mortician opened it up to retrieve a necklace for his former widow. As the mortician reached around the body to unlatch the piece of jewelry, his hand slipped onto the man’s neck and that’s when he noticed that it now had a pulse. The previously dead man also began to exhibit signs of shallow breathing even though just hours before he didn’t have a heartbeat and his body temperature had begun to cool. The resurrected man was rushed to the hospital where he received a few weeks of treatment before making a full recovery.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 30, 2010
In Tennessee, a 60-year-old preacher at St. John’s Missionary Baptist Church has been accused of pulling a gun on his 32-year-old son during an heated argument inside its hallowed halls. The incident started when the father confronted his son for missing multiple days of church and the conversation quickly went south. In a fit of warped rational and hope that fear would get his son to attend church weekly, his father pulled a gun on him and threatened to kill his entire family. Concerned for the safety of his loved ones and his own well being, the son took out a restraining order on his father and charges have been filed. Neither the church, nor the pastor will comment on the case and a court date has been set.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 27, 2010
In Belgrade, a hunger strike turned into a cannibalistic protest when a Serbian union official cut off his own finger with a hacksaw and ate it. The incident sprang from the desperation of a group textile workers who have been waiting almost two years for unpaid wages and have been forced to survive meagerly on social benefits. The man made the difficult decision to sever his finger and consume it after he overheard a single mother of three at the protest state that she would cut off her own finger just to make a statement. The man acted first to save the woman from having to do the grisly deed herself. The union is already planning further self mutilations unless talks resume and their demands are met.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 26, 2010
In Missouri, police were interrogating two suspects accused of stealing a two-carat diamond ring with a hefty price tag of over $20,000 when one of the suspects literally began to cough up the evidence they needed for a solid conviction. Police were led to the suspects when they got a tip from another jewelry store where the man and woman tried to sell off their newly acquired booty after the heist. Unfortunately at the time, all police had to go on was a single eye witness account after the fact and didn’t have enough evidence for a conviction, but then their luck changed. While under going interrogation, a painful coughing fit sized the 23-year-old male suspect, causing him to spit out the stolen ring right in front of their eyes. The couple have been charged with receiving stolen property and the ring has been returned to its rightful owner.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 25, 2010
In Florida, a man was rooting around the community trash dumpster in his apartment complex searching for secondhand treasure when he came across a discarded photograph of a space shuttle in a damaged frame that just happened to have $3100 in cash tucked away behind it. After the man took his daily discovery home, he proceeded to remove the photograph to replace the frame and found 35 $20 bills & 24 $100 bills concealed inside of it. He reported the money to the police and is fully entitled to the cash if the original owner doesn’t show up after an allotted time period.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 24, 2010
In Cleveland, a 300-pound woman pleaded guilty to the involuntary manslaughter of her 120-pound boyfriend after she sat on him during an altercation and accidentally crushed him to death. The woman spent six long months in jail waiting for her day in court and was finally sentenced to three years probation and 100 hours of community service, nearly avoiding the maximum sentence of five years in jail. The family of the deceased, unhappy with the ruling, felt that the perpetrator got off too easy and that justice was not served. The victim’s sister told reporters, “So, basically you can say that I can go sit on somebody and get probation?”
By curtisrx | Published:
January 23, 2010
In Mexico City, police were led on a dangerous high speed car chase by three amateur criminals who stole fourteen boxes of ferrets from a shipment received at the Mexico City airport. The assailants led police on a gripping car chase that came to a screeching halt when they slammed head first into a tree. Once their escape vehicle was incapacitated, the criminals continued the chase on foot. As of now, two of the ferret-nappers have been caught and the third is still at large. The ferrets were unharmed and are currently undergoing trauma counseling.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 22, 2010
In Haiti, an American documentary filmmaker, who was nearly crushed to death after the catastrophic 7.0 magnitude earthquake struck, wouldn’t have survived the ordeal if it wasn’t for his trusty iphone. Badly injured and rapidly loosing blood, the man used the light from his iphone camera to illuminate the rubble in search of a safe place to hold up until help came for him. He found refuge in an elevator shaft and then used an iphone app to learn a crash course in first aid. He was able to make several makeshift bandages and tourniquets to stop the profuse bleeding from the head and leg wounds. He also set the alarm on his phone to go off every half hour, because the app warned of the dangers of falling asleep while in shock from severe trauma. 65 hours later the man was rescued and is expected to make a full recovery.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 22, 2010
In Massachusetts, toll booth workers in the cash-only lane of the Massachusetts Turnpike witnessed a scrumptious clashing of the titans when a semi truck hauling beef collided with another semi truck hauling tomatoes. As a result of the accident, both trucks spilled their contents onto the turnpike, covering all the lanes of traffic in beef sides and pulverized tomatoes. Another semi-truck filled with Styrofoam cups was also involved and purged it’s contents onto the turnpike as well. One driver received minor injuries, but luckily everyone else walked away unharmed. Traffic was diverted so clean-up crews could clear the food from the highway, which took nearly eight hours.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 21, 2010
In Iowa, a man who was enjoying a quiet meal at a restaurant near the local university was attack by another restaurant patron who believed the man to be a flesh crazed zombie. Before the man could finish placing his food order, the other patron appeared at his table, called him a ‘zombie’, and threw a punch at him. The victim then attempted to make a emergency call on his cell phone, but a second punch connected with his face and fractured his nose. The bizarre series of events only took a few short minutes to unfold and the assailant quickly fled out the back door, seemingly disappearing into thin air. The man is still at large a reward of $1000 has been offered up for anybody with information on his whereabouts.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 19, 2010
In Iowa, a 46-year-old female employee for the post office was arrested after police found her sitting on the kitchen floor of house she illegally entered during a drunken stupor while on the job. The woman, who was caught in the act of eating leftover noodles out of the elderly woman’s refrigerator, was still dressed in her post office uniform with her mail bag by her side. Authorities say the intoxicated woman entered the premise through the unlocked front door while on her daily mail delivery route. She was taken to the county jail and has been placed on unpaid leave.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 11, 2010
In Florida, a 12-year-old boy armed with a wooden toy rifle held up a convenience store and nearly escaped with a fistful of cash before police apprehended him. The underage miscreant pointed the gun at the cashier, demanded him to empty the register, and even thanked him as he left. Luckily, a deputy on duty noticed a boy matching the robber’s description walking along the side of the highway and approached him. The boy tried to make a break for it , but was overpowered and apprehended. Soon after, police tracked down the hidden toy rifle and missing cash. The boy was booked and transferred to the department of Juvenile Justice.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 11, 2010
In Connecticut, A 28-year-old woman decided to make her two children wait in a car during freezing winter weather while she made to a stop at the tanning booth to indulge in some pampering. The 3-year-old and 1-year-old sat in the car without the aid of a heater for nearly 20 minutes as the temperature dropped to 12 degrees with a subzero windchill. The woman told police that she was going on vacation and felt that getting a tan was a priority. She has been charged with child neglect and reckless endangerment. So much for that vacation, a smooth tan looks even better behind bars.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 8, 2010
In New Mexico, a grieving family got the shock of their lives when they brought home the personal effects of their deceased mother and discovered that her brain was also included with the items. Much too distraught to immediately sift through the items, the family put the bag aside, but 24 hours later noticed a horrible smell emanating from it. That’s when they realized the funeral home’s gruesome mix-up. As sometimes is the case with the victims of violent crashes, it is common practice to ship the brain inside of a bag, rather than try to reinsert it into the damaged head, but it never should have been sent home with the family. A negligence investigation has been launched and the family has filed a lawsuit.
By curtisrx | Published:
January 5, 2010
In Oregon, a 22-year-old man has been charged with harassment and robbery after he was caught trying to steal snippets of hair from the other passengers on the bus he was riding across town. The man sat behind an unsuspecting woman and began to procure clippings of her hair, but the bus driver was able to stop him and he was taken into custody. A spokesperson for the bus company said that they have received at least 3 other complaints of strange hair assaults in the recent months and one incident that involved a victims hair being glued. It is unknown whether or not the man is also involved in these other hair related incidents, but police have launched an investigation. At least for now, coifs and manes can rest soundly knowing that another serial stylist has been sent to the slammer.
